Something on my mind

There has been something on my mind of late.  I don't know why its coming back now, but its there lurking in my head, mostly at night when I'm trying to go to sleep.  Its an experience I had years ago.  I learned some very valuable lessons and often wish I had responded differently then.

I was still pretty young, only a few years into my career.  But having success in my field.  We were living in Boston.  I had worked at several different medical centers including Mass Eye and Ear, New England Medical Center, and ended up at Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center.  The group of people I worked with were nothing less than fantastic.  I learned from these professionals, I soaked up every opportunity I could to improve, and I was lucky.  Here I was this young lady from the West with little life experience, living it up in Boston.  Although my career was going well, I always kept an eye on positions back home.  They were few and far between and I knew that one day we would probably want to be closer to family. 

I had just had my first child and was on maternity leave.  I had sent off an application a few weeks earlier for an academic position at the U.  It was a whim and I never expected to hear from them.  But I got a call and they had listed me in their top 3 and wanted to fly me out for an interview.  My first thought was, Yes!  a free trip home.  But then, I also imagined myself working there and what my future might look like.  It would be wonderful to have my son growing up around his extended family.  I could use a little of that too.

The Dept Chair arranged to meet me at a small breakfast/coffee house near the campus.  It was the first of many interviews that day with key department members.  As I walked in and found myself in a little book lounge area with books that had topics focussing lifestyles, very different from my own.  The Dept. Chair came over and introduced herself to me and we had light conversation before sitting down to eat.  She asked about a variety of things, interests, work experiences, etc... then out of the blue she looked at me and gestured over to the book area and asked what I thought about the place we were eating in.  I was honest and said it was very good food, fun atmosphere.  She questioned again wanting more detail.  So I said, Its a nice place, highlighting an alternative side of the state.  She smiled and seemed satisfied with that response.    I left a bit perplexed but undeterred to do well the rest of the day.

My next interview was with another faculty member who had been there only a year.  She started out our conversation asking if I had grown up in the State.  I replied yes, and she said something to the effect of well then you understand the culture here?  I hesitantly said, yes.  She then went on discussing her thoughts of living in this state, things I would have to watch out for, etc.  I think she asked me about my professional experiences, but it was secondary to her main focus of discussion.  Ultimately, she implied that she figured I was of the dominant religion and that the University was not from that school of thought and would that be a problem?  I treaded lightly here and indicated that I was familiar with the University and thought I could fit in well.  I walked away wondering if that were really the case.

My third interview was a slap in the face.  I was told to sit, asked a few questions about my professional goals, and then the tone shifted.  This professor sat forward, looked me in the eye, and said some things that made my jaw want to drop.  He said that he knew that I grew up in the area, and then said, I'm not supposed to ask you what religion you are, so I am going to assume that you are a member of the church.  I know that in that church women are told and taught to be subservient to men.  This department has several men in it.  Are you going to act subservient to them?  He then said a few more things about his feelings about the LDS faith. His words stung me.  I could feel the anger starting to build.  I remained calm and said that I didn't know what he was talking about.  Never in MY life had I been taught to be subserviant to men or women or anyone.  I told him that I thought my mother was one of the greatest women I had ever known and that she taught her children to be strong, independent people.  He sat back, grunted, and eyed me for a bit.  He then thanked me and reached out to shake my hand.  Numb now, I returned the gesture and walked out.  I hate that I did that.

In disbelief I entered my last interview.  Interestingly he didn't mention one word about my religion, where I grew up, or my views on the aformentioned.  He asked me about my career path, goals, probed for thoughts about what my views were on methods of teaching.  Unfortunately, at that point, I didn't want to be employed there anymore, my mind realing, my words jumbled.  Later, I found out that he was the only member on the faculty that WAS a member of the church that came up so frequently.  The only one who remained professional and didn't care what my religion was.

I couldn't wait to leave.  I was speechless.  And then, I buried it away.

Years later, I think of the things I should have done.  I should have picked up the phone on that mans desk and called HR right then and reported him.  I should have contacted an attorney.  I should have not have had to defend myself in that mannor.  I should have walked away from the first moment I felt uncomfortable.  I should have told them what I felt inside.  I should have said it with ferver and intensity that left no question as to who I was and what I belived.  I learned what it feels like to be discriminated against.  There have been many encounters, comments, and conversations about who I am.  I have always tried to take them with perspective, to educate, and to show respect.  But this experience taught me. It taught me what hate feels like.  It taught me to be a strong, independent woman.