Sunday, September 8, 2013

Love...

 
 
2007
We had finished our basement and moved the 3 oldest kids downstairs.  Every night I would tuck them in bed.  Soon after I would hear talking.  Every night I would go back downstairs to find them all snuggled up in Matthew's bed listening to him read.  The topic on this particular evening was dinosaurs.  I hope they remember this nightly get together that lasted about a year.  I do.
 
 
 

Monday, July 22, 2013

A Farewell

Today Brenna and I had a heart to heart about piano.  She started lessons this Summer.  She absolutely detests practicing.  Most times the mere mention of practicing brings on full on tantrums.  I learned my lesson once before with another child.  The battle sometimes is just not worth the fall out of distress between mother and child.  So here I am, a musician, giving the OK to stop music lessons.  I wanted all my children to take some form of music for the experience and to learn how to read music.  I've learned that each child is different and will find what inspires them. 

When I sat down with Brenna tonight.  I explained that learning how to play piano is like learning how to dance.  I asked, do you go to dance and practice your dance one time and then go home?  She rolled her eyes and said no mom we do it like 6 times.  I explained that if she practiced her piano song six times she would be as good at piano as she was at dance.  I could see the connection being made in her eyes.  And then she said to me, but I love to practice dance, not piano.  And that my friends is how you know what the right decision is.  I told her I did not want to fight everyday about practicing piano.  The fighting made both of us feel bad and sad.  I wanted her to do the things she loves.  Like dancing?  Yes, like dancing.  I asked if she would like to stop piano for now and maybe in a year or so if she felt like it she could try again.  A few tears fell down her face and she nodded yes.  After a long hug she ran out of the room and the tension in her little body left.  Relief.    

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Ear Responsible

Its been awhile, I know.  Just haven't felt like writing much I guess.  I know its time when something gets cooking deep in my brain.  Eventually it makes it to the surface. 

My son asked me today how many years of college I had completed.  The answer is 8 yrs.  My undergraduate degree is in Communication Disorders which covers the foundation for audiology and speech language pathology.  Originally I thought I would be and SLP.  Then as started some of my clinic rotations doing articulation therapy.  I realized I was not patient enough to help a 6 yr old learn how to say the /r/ sound at the beginning, middle, and end of words correctly.  Bless those SLP's out there that are amazing at their jobs and help our kids speak well.  Because of this brief training I am always listening to sounds of all the kids I am around.  I usually do not intervene unless its a big concern but parents ask someone around you if your child is saying their words correctly.  We hear them correctly because we are their parents.  But someone outside your immediate family will give you an honest opinion. If your kid is two and they don't have quite a few single words and are not putting two words together.   Its a good idea to have an evaluation done.  If they are 3-5 and have lots of words but are still difficult to understand, get an eval.  If they are 7-8 they should be saying just about every sound correctly, if not get an eval.  I know some SLP will probably say this is all wrong but its what I remember... So its a good rule of thumb for me. 

Audiology.  Its all about sound.  How we hear, what we hear, and how we interpret what we hear.  Audiologist do lots of things.  They do basic hearing testing, hearing aids, balance disorders, auditory processing disorders, cochlear implants, etc...  I've done most of this at one time or another but early in my studies I focused on a new discovery (well it was at the time) called Otoacoustic Emissions.  The cochlea or inner ear (that snail shaped thing) is pretty cool.  If you present sound to the ear it will send an echo back.  Audiologists realized that this was a great way to screen newborns.  They don't have to raise their tiny hands when they hear the beep.  It was my beginning to newborn hearing screening.  I wrote my thesis on it and never looked back.  Now, I have my dream job.  It came a little earlier than I expected but I get to work part time, supervising a newborn screening program, and do all the diagnostic testing on those babies that do not pass.

A few weeks ago, I was taking a little road trip with my sister and she asked me what is was like to tell a hearing parent that their child was deaf.  ....  Its really hard. 

I thought for a moment of an infant and mother I had worked with...

Mom came in for a follow up hearing screen, her baby did not pass again.  He was scheduled for a diagnostic test called and ABR (Auditory Brainstem Response Test).  I was getting area of skin prepped for the wire leads I would attach.  Mom was doing okay.  She was a little nervous and told me about some piano lessons she had rescheduled.  She told me all about her piano playing experience and the music her other children were involved in. We connected as I told her about my music background.  She told me about her family and the area they lived.  She asked questions about what I was doing.  The appointment started out really well.

As I began the test I knew immediately that the ear I was testing was not responding.  I turned the volume up and was at the max limit of the equipment.  Mom could hear the click nearby coming from the insert in her baby's ear.  He was fast asleep.  She stopped talking and was very quiet.  She looked at me and said, "He isn't hearing that is he?"  I said no, he is not hearing it.  She nodded.  I told her I needed to do a little more testing to that ear and then we would switch to the other ear.  She nodded.  When I switched to the other ear, there was no response.  I quietly explained what I was doing and what I was looking for.  She was very calm and said that she thought he might be deaf because he didn't respond to loud sounds at home.  When the test was completed, I spoke to her in depth about her son's hearing.  She asked all the right questions.  She asked about what the options were, and how to get going.  She was on autopilot. 

After she asked all her questions she was quiet and emotionless.  I knew that she was not digesting the information.  I placed my hand on her knee and told her that I wanted her to do something very important.  I told her to place her newborn on her chest and sing to him like she did her other babies.  She needed to bond with him.  I wanted her to bring him to the piano and let him feel the vibrations of her music.  She stared at me with an open mouth and tears started to stream down her face.  "He won't hear my music" she stated. 

She had already asked about cochlear implants and indicated it was the direction she wanted to go, so I said in response, "he won't hear your music right now, but he will feel the vibration, sense the emotion from you, and be comforted when you hold him to you like you did with your other babies.  With cochlear implants he will hear your music, it will be just a little while longer than you expected." We talked for awhile longer, I got her follow up appointments made, completed the referrals for early intervention, and answered more questions.  When she left I knew she had finally allowed the information to set in.  I knew this was just the beginning of a very long road but I knew she would be okay. 

I held it together for the remainder of the day.  When I got in my car my tears started.  I cried all the way home. 

Most days my job is really wonderful.  Some days its really hard.  I know I don't always get it right.  But I will always try to do my best.  The infants and parents I work with deserve the best and its up to me to try and read their body language, to try to say the right thing even if its a hard thing to hear. 

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Growing up

 
 




Wednesday, March 13, 2013

My kids think I'm old fashioned but I have my reasons

I'm pretty moderate in my views.  While I don't screen every video game my kids might play, I will not purchase the violent games to have in my home.  We have a wii.  That's it.  Over the years Peter and I have considered getting a different game system but we usually come up with one reason not to spend that money.  I am not opposed to video games.  We have friends and family who are way into gaming and even into game development.  What I am opposed to is providing a medium in which my kids get sucked into hour after hour.  Our biggest issue is Ipod games.  Which I admit can also be violent but it seems that I am able to maintain better control over the amount of time spend on these devices.  I do believe that for the right person, daily practice in violence even in a game, can blur the lines of reality and right vs wrong.  Its about desensitizing the mind.  I'm guilty of it in other ways.  I know that its real threat to our ability to be sensitive to the spirit.  I admit I am a bit old fashioned.  I will not allow a TV in my kids room.  We have parent control passwords on our computer and TV.  I push my kids into trying new things like skiing, being in the school play, instruments, and outdoors.  My kids complain that they are the only children left on the planet that don't own an x-box or PlayStation.  I tell them too bad.  They roll their eyes.

I feel the same about guns.  I will never own a gun.  I do believe that it is our right to protect ourselves and that right should be maintained.  I don not believe that anyone outside the military should own an assault rifle.  Someone once proposed a scenario of war or terrorism where an assault rifle would be handy. Even in that situation I probably would still feel the same but you never know.  So far in my life I have been blessed to live in a country where that situation is not my everyday.

It makes me nervous every time my kids play in homes that contain guns.  When I ask my kids about guns at friends houses they can name them, where they are, and if they are locked up.  They probably could tell me where the key to the case is.  I know most parents think that they are smarter than their kids and hide the key.  I'm a realist and know that most kids know right where it all is, and how to get access to it.  I live in a place where many people own guns.  I accept this.  I however will never provide an opportunity for a child to have access to one in my home.  Can you tell I feel strongly about this? 

My sister is a reporter for a local news channel.  She covers the early morning news which on most days is quite depressing.  She covers the things that happen in the dark while we sleep.  Shootings, robbery, car accidents, and acts of violence that takes lives.  She sits with the families as they grieve the loss of their children who played with the gun that they got access to and shot themselves or their sibling while they tried to load the gun.  She hears the story of the kid that was just aiming and practicing like he does in the video game and didn't realize it was loaded.  She covers stories of home owners who got out their gun to protect themselves and were overtaken by their intruder and shot by their own gun, she covers school shootings of someone who was given a gun by their parent for their birthday.  Will not having a gun stop these events from happening?  No.  But I will not contribute to it.  Hearing these stories first hand from my little sister is enough to convince me that they do more harm than good.

Mental Health...Is this an issue? Yes.  Does it kill other people?  Not usually,unless there is access to a weapon.  And yes, I have quite a bit of experience with mental health.  Why am I thinking about this today.  Because this article made me think about it from a new perspective.  Read it... Its interesting.

http://peterbrownhoffmeister.wordpress.com/2013/03/04/on-school-shooters-the-huffington-post-doesnt-want-you-to-read-this/

Monday, February 25, 2013

Better

Better.  My mental state that is.  A work in progress.

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Negative Thinking

Most of my life I have been a positive thinker.  Its been easy to think about the bright side.  I'm usually pretty good at taking the bad and moving past it toward better things.  I don't know if just this time of year is my down phase or maybe this time in my life.  Not sure.  I feel kicked to the curb.  People want me around to do the crap stuff but don't really care otherwise.   Been there?  Sure, I know everyone goes there.  I just don't go there very often.  I'm pretty good at turning off emotions and steadying the helm.  I'm in that state most of the time.  The problem with that is I'm not so good at turning them back on a moments notice.  I get called out on this frequently.  
 
So,  negative thinking.  Sucks.  The negative thought that kept me up most of the night last night was... Not only do they not need you they don't even want you.  So when you get kicked to the curb, do you wait there hoping someone comes back?  Or do you start walking and take care of your own needs.  What happens if they suddenly decide they do need or want you and you have moved on?

See what happened there?  That negative thinking plays out over and over.  I know that I can't rely on anyone to lean on.  Its up to me to climb out of the negative cycle.  Usually just expressing it gives me enough of a push upward. 

Right now I am teaching a song in Primary that moves me.  I find myself singing it often and it helps me remember that I am not alone.  It seems to help me get back to basics.

davidkat99  Made this for his daughters.  Its exactly what I hear and picture in my head when I think of  this song. 

I know Heavenly Father Loves Me

Whenever I hear the song of a bird
Or look at the blue blue sky
Whenever I feel the rain on my face
Or the wind as it rushes by
Whenever I touch a velvet rose
Or walk by a lilac tree
I'm glad that I live in this beautiful world
Heavenly Father created for me.

He gave me my eyes that I might see
The color of butterfly wings
He gave me my ears that I might hear
The magical sound of things
He gave me my life, my mind, my heart
I thank him reverently
For all his creations of which I'm a part
Yes, I know Heavenly Father loves me
Clara McMaster