My girls have taken dance for several years. This past year the company they dance with did several competitions. I ended up buying 5 costumes, paying for several competition fees, and being quite stressed with the unexpected expenses and time it took. I voiced that maybe the dance company should create some Competition teams so that those who want to do them can, and those that don't can do a regular class. With the expansion of dancers and a new studio this is exactly what the company ended up doing. I thought great, my girls can still dance and have fun and not feel the financial and time stress we had felt that year.
So audition time came around. The teacher gave the impression that she wanted my girls to be on the comp teams. I didn't have them audition. I signed them up for regular dance. For my younger girl it was fine. There were several other new girls in her new class. She had a good time. For my older girl its a different story. I dropped her off at dance. She was a minute or two early and the only one there. She wasn't new so I left. When I came to pick her up she was dancing with the comp team 2 years younger. They practice at the same time. There had only been a couple of people in her class so they had them join the other class. The new teacher asked the owner why she hadn't made the comp team. All of the girls she has danced with the past few years make up the comp team for her age. All except her. The owner then started to tell me that she was so much better than the others in her regular class that day. Then asked me if I would reconsider our decision. Was it the money, was it the time? I told her both, which is true.
I had felt good about the direction we were going. My daughter wanted to try violin this year and she is already in piano. A regular dance class was already a lot. I still have 3 other kids in activities too. I told her that she would have to choose dance or violin. We both sat in the car and cried in the parking lot. She comforted me as I apologized to her that she could not do all of the things she wanted to. I feel like such a louse. Am I holding her back? Is it just pressure? Does she really love it that much or is it about being with her friends? I told her to take some time and think about what she wanted to do. She is already telling me that she wants to do regular dance, but my gut tells me she is saying that because she is trying to show restraint. This is good (she is maturing), but I feel so bad. If she had had a full group of girls in her regular class I don't think this would have been an issue today. But she doesn't want to dance with the little girls. I may ask if there is an older regular class she can attend instead. I don't know. Does anyone else go through this stuff? How do you handle it?
I feel so bad for Erin. Was Ruby in her class? I'm surprised it was so small. Who else was there? If I were you and you're set on doing the regular class, I'd ask Kathy if she could dance up with the older girls. But selfishly I want Erin to join Ella's class. Lucky for me, I don't have to deal with two dancers yet. But I had a hard time telling Ella she couldn't do dance twice a week when I run Seth to soccer up to four times a week and basketball once and football too (at least this month). Good luck deciding. Let me know. I know Holli would love to carpool!!! But no pressure. You need to do what's best for you and your family. Erin needs to come play some time.
ReplyDeleteI think the fact that I have added another day at work now is really starting to impact how much we can all handle. She has been asking to play violin for over a year now. Lets face it. I'm a violinist...I would love to have her play. But I want to her find what she loves. Who says it isn't violin? How will she know if she doesn't try?
DeleteSO sorry. It is such a hard thing. My oldest loves doing violin, but his real gift is piano. I don't feel like it makes sense to do both when he has five siblings who are getting involved in things -- and when I want us to still be a family and have time to simple "be" and be together. So, I am letting him keep violin even though I think he could become great at the other. So many worries when wondering if we are locking our kids out of some wonderful opportunity or not helping them develop their talents. At the same time, I think as they get older they can persue and make their own opportunites. Who knows. Maybe I would have been great at something -- anything -- if my parents had put me in any type of lessons. But, in the end, it is about so much more than just instruments and sports and skills -- it is about trying to keep our sanity and raise our kids and give time for our families. And while some things are a loss and truly are sad, I think it is still all right. I think it is rare that we are causing them to lose some huge thing that would have made their life. I hope.
ReplyDeleteThis is killing me because to this day, I want to do everything be good at it all. Singing, violin, dance, photography, writing. I am equally passionate about those things and in college I did all of them, as much of the time as possible. I had TERRIBLE grades because I was immersed in my artistic passions and was working three jobs to support myself in school. But I had a blast. To this day, I dip into doing as much as I can at all times. I don't deal well with choosing. I can see having a VERY difficult time making my kids pick, because I can't. I want to do it all. I have no solutions, just an amen.
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