We met our freshman year at Utah State. I was going out with his roommate. The first time Peter and I were introduced he was sitting at his desk in his room. He said hello and we chatted a bit. I found out it was his birthday that weekend and asked what his plans were. There were none. So I found out what his favorite kind of cake was and went home and baked a cake. A birthday cake for someone who was far from home. I think he liked it. I think he was surprised that someone he hardly knew would do such a thing. It was a good start. Except that he was just off his mission and way too serious about life. I thought he was a stick in the mud. I was just out of high school and way too carefree. He thought I was a bit of an airhead. So while we hung out and dated each others roommates, we didn't really have much interest in each other. The next school year we didn't see each other much. We had all moved on in our relationships and we lived further apart on campus. But when we did see each other we made a point to talk, or dance, or connect in some way.
Our junior year in college was different. I had moved to a new area on campus which was close to where he lived. We saw each other all the time. He wasn't so serious anymore and was fun to hang out with. I was a little more focused on my education. We suddenly had a lot in common and started to do things together. He was safe. By that I mean, we could go out and be together without any pressure of a relationship. Why, because there is that unwritten rule that you don't date someone who has kissed your best friend/roommate. Its just the rule. Besides I had pretty much cut off any interest in dating at that point. I don't know. Something in me just shut down when it came to the whole relationship game. I still dated but I feel sorry for those casualties that were willing to go out with me during that time.
I remember one of those summers I was working at a local builder supply and saw my share of rugged good looking construction workers who bought 3/4 inch deck screws and J bar from me. One of these brave souls asked me out. I thought, eh what the heck, I have no love life right now, so I said yes. We went golfing. I rolled my eyes when he came up behind me to show me how to swing the club. My grandpa was an avid golfer, he made sure I knew how to hold a club. So I smiled and said thank you for the instruction, and hit par on that hole. After we golfed, he asked if we could just find a park and talk. I thought, this is good, we can get to know each other a little. I sat down and he sat so close he was practically on my lap. He put his arm around me. In my head I'm trying to figure out my escape plan. I turned to tell him I should probably get home and the next thing I know he is kissing me. I went total dead fish on him. I don't think he noticed, which is sad. So I hopped up and said it was time to go. He took me home and I thanked him for the date, jumped out, and ran into the house. I called him first thing the next morning and told him I had no interest in going out with him again. For about 2 years this was how dating went. Most were not this bad, but anytime I felt those butterflies I bolted. My family lovingly called me the Ice Queen.
So back to my Junior year of college. Slowly, without me really noticing, we were getting closer. We were together every weekend, and sometimes during the week. We did everything together. Then I started to notice things that I hadn't before. One day It had been a really rough day. My roommates didn't seem to notice. It was my turn to do dishes and of course the sink was piled high with dirty dishes. I was so tired. Peter was there "hanging out" with us. I got up and started on the dishes. Next thing I knew, he was standing there next to me doing dishes. I almost cried. I needed someone to just be there for me, and he was. In that insignificant moment, I knew he cared enough to just be by my side. Then other things started to happen, flowers when I was sick, help with homework, attendance at every violin performance, a listening ear, etc. I loved every ounce of him. And then one day, he told me that he wanted to take our relationship to another level. It was kind of like being hit with a load of bricks. Our relationship, what relationship? It was at that point I realized how he was starting to feel. I, on the other hand had closed that possibility off. I said no. He said things would change but they didn't really. I worked at a girls camp that summer, he stayed in Utah to work. I saw him on weekends. It was the same. I stayed the same. Then he started to pull away.
Our Senior year rolled around. He stopped in one day to say hello. I was in the middle of a work party (I was the resident assistant for our building). I couldn't really visit and he took that as a snub. Then I didn't ear from him for awhile. I stopped by his apt a few times but it was different. Then his roommate told me he was dating a girl. What? Oh, ok. I guess that's good right? Except she was 18 and jailbait. It was so bleh. I was so jealous. I missed my best friend. But, I was STRONG! Don't let them see you sad. Act like its all good. What? A 2 year hiatus from this stupid dating game and I'm totally playing it right now. I was mortified with myself. Then I was humbled. I spent many nights on my knees praying. Asking, begging my Heavenly Father to help me understand where I was in my life, my feelings for Peter, my direction I should go. Why wasn't I getting an answer?
It was October, and stake conference. I was apprehensive to go. I knew he would be there and the last thing I wanted to see was him there holding hands with a preschooler. I went anyway. I scanned the congregation. Good. I didn't see him. Wait, why didn't I see him, is he sick, is he alright? There was this ache in my chest. It just got stronger. I remember walking home. My roommate Cindy walking ahead of me. I was on the verge of tears and didn't want her to see me. I walked into my apt, went to my room and just collapsed on the floor. Sobbing. Sobbing. I spoke ever so softly, Heavenly Father please send him to me, please. Then the doorbell rang. I started to cry again when I heard his voice. My roommate knocked and opened the door. She saw me there in my dress, sitting on the floor crying, and asked if I was ok. I nodded and she asked if she should send Peter in, and I nodded yes. He came in and sat next to me and held me. I couldn't talk. I just cried. With every fiber of my being, I knew that my prayer had been answered that day. We went for a walk. We didn't talk much. Just walked in the beautiful fall leaves. Then when we got back to my apt he handed me a paper. Written on it was a poem. It said that he hoped that one day he would meet someone that he could love as much as loved me. You see, he had been troubled that day too. He skipped church because of it. He had prayed as well. On his way home he said, he felt like he should stop to see me, and he did. He had no idea what was happening when he walked in but I knew I would never let him go after that.
Later that day I told him I loved him. I had never told anyone that before. I remember I called my dad and told him what had happened. He asked me if I had kissed him yet? I said no, and he said I should take care of that. So shortly thereafter I did, well he kissed me, and I was ready for it.
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