A bit about In-Laws

Lately I've been thinking a bit about in-laws.  Peter's parents have been serving a mission in Sweden.  This is their second church mission there.  They are coming home next week and we are so excited to see them again.  With their return so close, I have been reflecting a bit on our 20 year history together. 

I'm going to let some of you in on a little secret.  I probably was not the girl my father and mother in law would have liked their first born son to marry.  Why, you might ask?  Bull in a china shop.

Peter and I were close friends for a long time before we dated and it took a lot of convincing to get me to look at our relationship with new perspective.  My family had dubbed me with the title "ice queen" due to my lack of enthusiasm with dating at the time.  Really, I just hated the games.  It was refreshing to have a man become my closest friend and not have to worry about the "relationship part".  Well, that worked for awhile.  And then it didn't.  And so we tried to move on.  I know his parents probably counseled him to move on too.  I was stuck.  So he did, and well I was a tad jealous of his new jail bait and that's all it took to melt some ice.  I'm sure his parents were wondering why/how I was working my way back onto the scene again.  But I did.

Bull in a china shop.  It's the perfect description of how I felt the first few times I met his mom.  They lived out of state so we actually only met just a few times before we got married.  My first impression of my mother-in-law was how quiet and proper she was.  I was not.  I was outspoken and raucous.  I'm sure our first few visits were jarring for them.  My sarcasm sort of hung in the air at times.  They were gracious.  I started to worry if I would ever be able to fit into this new family. 

The first five or so years of marriage we only saw them once or twice a year.  Peter and I had moved across the country and so I did OK during those few weeks a year that we spent significant time with our families.  Then his parents retired and moved out west.  We finished school and moved back too. 

New dilemma.  How to contain my mouth.  I think one of the things Peter liked about me was my outgoing personality.  I think the reality of that started to sink in once we all were spending quality time with each other.  My father-in-law taught political science for years.  Debating theoretical position is second nature.  In the middle of a conversation he might throw in a debatable statement that would stop me short.  It was like an itch that had to be scratched.  Peter would glance at me sideways... let it go... but I just couldn't.  I had to voice my opinion and Peter would start to slowly sink down...yeah.  So lets just say there have been many times during those years we loaded up the car after spending time with my in-laws and I was assessing the damage I may have caused as we pulled down the driveway.   Something like this...

Well, that was a good visit
uh, huh
Did I say anything too obnoxious?
Just a few things...

or

Um honey, I think I might have upset your dad/mom...
Why, what did you say
Well, your dad/mom did the raised eyebrow fake smile thing when I said this...
great.

Until one day.  We were visiting and having a lively discussion about something and I thought I had pushed it too far.  I found myself apart from the main room and my mother-in-law came up to me and said something to me that changed everything.  I can't quite remember exactly but she quietly said "I've wanted to say that and I'm so glad you did".  She smiled at me and I knew that she loved me despite my many flaws.  She understood.  I was analyzing every irreverent thing I had said for years. Yet all along they had accepted me for who I was and even loved me for it too.

So I had a new perspective on my in-laws.  I even found that I might be a lot like my father-in-law.  We both like to stir the pot to liven up the discussion.  Even if its not on purpose.  So some of those debatable statements were just that.  I took the bait,  hook, line, and sinker.  Still do, but its fun now because we love each other even if we agree to disagree.   

Now I look back over the years and see the relationships how they have grown as I have matured.  I see how patient and loving my in-laws were with my lack of impulse control at times.  I've watched my father-in-law teach, direct, and guide his children with love.  I've watched my mother-in-law nurture, accept, and guide her children with love.  I've even watched her throw a zinger into the conversation at times while my chest swelled with pride.  I miss them.  I'm so excited to pick up where we left off and see what else comes next. 

I guess this was a long winded way to say I'm lucky to have the in-laws I do.  So very lucky.