A bit about In-Laws

Lately I've been thinking a bit about in-laws.  Peter's parents have been serving a mission in Sweden.  This is their second church mission there.  They are coming home next week and we are so excited to see them again.  With their return so close, I have been reflecting a bit on our 20 year history together. 

I'm going to let some of you in on a little secret.  I probably was not the girl my father and mother in law would have liked their first born son to marry.  Why, you might ask?  Bull in a china shop.

Peter and I were close friends for a long time before we dated and it took a lot of convincing to get me to look at our relationship with new perspective.  My family had dubbed me with the title "ice queen" due to my lack of enthusiasm with dating at the time.  Really, I just hated the games.  It was refreshing to have a man become my closest friend and not have to worry about the "relationship part".  Well, that worked for awhile.  And then it didn't.  And so we tried to move on.  I know his parents probably counseled him to move on too.  I was stuck.  So he did, and well I was a tad jealous of his new jail bait and that's all it took to melt some ice.  I'm sure his parents were wondering why/how I was working my way back onto the scene again.  But I did.

Bull in a china shop.  It's the perfect description of how I felt the first few times I met his mom.  They lived out of state so we actually only met just a few times before we got married.  My first impression of my mother-in-law was how quiet and proper she was.  I was not.  I was outspoken and raucous.  I'm sure our first few visits were jarring for them.  My sarcasm sort of hung in the air at times.  They were gracious.  I started to worry if I would ever be able to fit into this new family. 

The first five or so years of marriage we only saw them once or twice a year.  Peter and I had moved across the country and so I did OK during those few weeks a year that we spent significant time with our families.  Then his parents retired and moved out west.  We finished school and moved back too. 

New dilemma.  How to contain my mouth.  I think one of the things Peter liked about me was my outgoing personality.  I think the reality of that started to sink in once we all were spending quality time with each other.  My father-in-law taught political science for years.  Debating theoretical position is second nature.  In the middle of a conversation he might throw in a debatable statement that would stop me short.  It was like an itch that had to be scratched.  Peter would glance at me sideways... let it go... but I just couldn't.  I had to voice my opinion and Peter would start to slowly sink down...yeah.  So lets just say there have been many times during those years we loaded up the car after spending time with my in-laws and I was assessing the damage I may have caused as we pulled down the driveway.   Something like this...

Well, that was a good visit
uh, huh
Did I say anything too obnoxious?
Just a few things...

or

Um honey, I think I might have upset your dad/mom...
Why, what did you say
Well, your dad/mom did the raised eyebrow fake smile thing when I said this...
great.

Until one day.  We were visiting and having a lively discussion about something and I thought I had pushed it too far.  I found myself apart from the main room and my mother-in-law came up to me and said something to me that changed everything.  I can't quite remember exactly but she quietly said "I've wanted to say that and I'm so glad you did".  She smiled at me and I knew that she loved me despite my many flaws.  She understood.  I was analyzing every irreverent thing I had said for years. Yet all along they had accepted me for who I was and even loved me for it too.

So I had a new perspective on my in-laws.  I even found that I might be a lot like my father-in-law.  We both like to stir the pot to liven up the discussion.  Even if its not on purpose.  So some of those debatable statements were just that.  I took the bait,  hook, line, and sinker.  Still do, but its fun now because we love each other even if we agree to disagree.   

Now I look back over the years and see the relationships how they have grown as I have matured.  I see how patient and loving my in-laws were with my lack of impulse control at times.  I've watched my father-in-law teach, direct, and guide his children with love.  I've watched my mother-in-law nurture, accept, and guide her children with love.  I've even watched her throw a zinger into the conversation at times while my chest swelled with pride.  I miss them.  I'm so excited to pick up where we left off and see what else comes next. 

I guess this was a long winded way to say I'm lucky to have the in-laws I do.  So very lucky.

A lovely Miracle

Miracles do happen.  This is my Erin.  See I told you, here is that future 16 year old I talked about before...  Notice a few things, cute outfit (she picked out), beautiful hair (she let me curl), and a smile. 

She gave the best Christmas present under the tree.  About a week before Christmas a little paper box was placed under the tree.  This box is one you make out of folding paper.  She informed me that this was a gift to me from her.  On Christmas morning she carefully handed me the box and told me to open it.  Her gift was a beautiful simple note saying she would get up in the morning and get ready for school.  I read it and said "really?" she nodded yes and came over and gave me a big hug.  Guess what?  She has been ready for school every day with a smile.  It must have taken a lot for this little girl to make a complete turn around on her own. A priceless gift.  I love this kiddo.   

A gift of words I needed to hear

A gift from scooper that I needed to hear.  I struggle with this and relate all too well.  I wish I could bleep out a word or two but the core of the message is worth listening to.

Photo catch up

I've had a lot to say and therefore have neglected some events this fall.  A photo essay to catch up.

First day of school

Adam singing with the primary choir at general conference.

Regatta

A view from the back steps

Matthew's 14th birthday with friends and family in St. George.

Glimpses

Lately I have had some of those glimpses of the future.  You know, when you look at one of your kids and you suddenly see a teenager or an adult and then they are a kid again.  Its kinda cool and yet kinda freaky too.  My oldest has discovered his hairstyle, hygiene, and girls.  I'm having fun with him and new outlook.  The other day we went to the store and he talked non-stop about whatever thought was moving through his head.  For those of you with teenagers, you know that it seems to be non-stop talking or no talking (aside from the mumbled I don't know) pending the hormonal moment.  I get a lot of info when its talking time... 

Next in line so wants to be older and yet just isn't there and its the daily struggle of enjoying being a kid and wanting to be respected and included by the older brother.  Its been hard to have your big brother move on to Jr. High and suddenly want to have some privacy.  He's adapting.  At the same time its great to see him develop his own talents without influence or comment.

Younger/Older sister is the one that scares me a bit.  I will look at her and suddenly see a 16 year old standing in front of me.  A beautiful, strong willed teenager.  I'm in for it.  But at the same time interested to see what she can do.  She fluctuates between "don't even look at me" and hugs and kisses as she runs by.  I sometimes imagine it amplified to prepare myself.

Little sister is finding her voice.  Baby of the family and working it.  The older version I imagine will be a little dramatic, emotional, and fun.  She will be the girly girl, lots of time in the mirror, and at the mall.  Maybe she will give me a mommy makeover. 

I'm enjoying this phase.

On my way up

So I was a bit in the dumps when I last posted.  Good news that I'm on my way up.  Peter let me have a nice cry and then I decided to move on.  He has been really sick lately and has not been able to help much by way of getting ready for the holidays.  I think the stress of helping one of my kids pass off times tables (this has been top of the stress list due to the tantrums that accompany it each night),  work, kids, and trying to figure out gifts, just left me depleted.  So we talked and decided to keep it simple this year and allow the spirit of this season enter back into our home.  As much as I wanted to get back into sending out holiday cards this year, well its probably not going to happen and I need to be okay with that, again.  Maybe I will post something here or send out an email.  Hopefully loved ones will understand.  We are giving gifts but really its been scaled back and this is such a relief for me.  I also treated myself to some Handel's Messiah, which was key.  There is nothing like turning off the lights, turning on the Christmas tree lights, and playing the Messiah and just feeling the music. 

Waiting for bottom

Tis the season....but I'm struggling.  The thing is, I don't know who reads this blog and just how personal do you get.  Its a journal for me.  But at the same time, its public.  I'm pretty honest and upfront with those around me.  I don't make it a point to go and announce my every thought and feeling.  With that in mind, I am having a hard time feeling the joy.  Its a falling sensation, waiting for bottom but it doesn't seem to be there.  I'm okay.  Really.  Its just annoying.  I need to go put on Handel's Messiah or something...

Just had one of those moments, a little prayer answered.  I stopped typing there for a minute because as soon as the words showed up on the screen, I knew it was what I needed.  When I hear that music and those words, I can partake.  It will be okay, and I won't forget to say another little prayer of gratitude.