My oldest is in a play at the Jr. High. They have rehearsal everyday after school. Today while I was running around town I got a call and it goes something like this...
Mom, we are super hungry. We need some food.
What? I'm really busy.
Can you bring us Arby's curly fries? (sounding annoyed)
No. I'm not your on call delivery person. I have to run to the post office and then pick up Brenna from Dance. Besides the nearest Arby's is far away. Why would you think I would drop everything and bring you food at school? And...it bugs me that you seem annoyed that I happened to be busy.
Sigh...no just wondering if you would.
Sorry. bye.
Then I drove for a minute. Pondering the audacity of my 14 yr old and his call for food. Then I thought about when I was 14 and the super cool ideas I had at the time that most certainly involved a parent to make it happen. Then I thought about the fact that he is a good kid and that I ride him pretty hard to maintain good grades. Then I thought about how cool it was to have a mom that did that kind of stuff for me. Then I thought about the kind of mom I wanted to be. Did I want to be the mom who was stuffy and stiff all the time. You know, the kind that your kid can't wait to get away from. Or did I want to be the kind of mom that might go out of her way a bit to bring a snack over to a hungry kid and his friends at play practice.
I pulled into the nearest gas station, loaded up a bag of munchers, and headed toward the school. I called and told him I wasn't going out of my way to Arby's but I did pick up something and would meet him at the door in 5 minutes. His response.. Yes! Sweet! thanks mom.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Skiing Nerds
We finally got a chance to get some skiing in this season. The boys and their cousins after hanging out on the slopes. Sorry about the quality (a picture of a picture).
Nerd day was a great success. Love my creative nerd boy.
Nerd day was a great success. Love my creative nerd boy.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
You signed up for it...yes, I did, but it doesn't mean I always love it.
Okay Moms or maybe the stay at home dad, you might relate to this one. I have had a crushing headache along with shooting ear pain and a come and go mild fever for days. Yesterday, I sat hunched over with chills, holding my head, and decided it was enough. Time to see if I could get some relief. Took myself to the instacare. Doc said everything looks fine. I wanted to yell at him to look at my brain! But yelling would have made my headache worse. So I drove home in tears. I made the kids some dinner then layed down for a few hours. MISTAKE... I know moms its tempting to take care of yourself once in a while, but don't do it. You will pay for it.
So this morning I pulled myself out of bed. Ear still hurting (no infection). Headache a little better (little prayer of Thanks) and started getting my kids ready. Then I came to the realization that not one of them did their homework while I was "taking care of myself". Not one of them. Two of my kids are leaving for a trip tomorrow. Not only did they not do their homework due today, they didn't do any of the work they needed to turn in early. Today my house is a mess, I have loads of laundry to do, I have a kid doctor appointment, dance, school early out, kids homework, pack the boys, etc etc. What I would like to do is go to bed. I know some of you out there are saying it... push through it like always, make it happen, you can do it. I know, I will. I learned my lesson. If you are saying "you signed up for it". Yes, I did, but it doesn't mean I always love it.
So this morning I pulled myself out of bed. Ear still hurting (no infection). Headache a little better (little prayer of Thanks) and started getting my kids ready. Then I came to the realization that not one of them did their homework while I was "taking care of myself". Not one of them. Two of my kids are leaving for a trip tomorrow. Not only did they not do their homework due today, they didn't do any of the work they needed to turn in early. Today my house is a mess, I have loads of laundry to do, I have a kid doctor appointment, dance, school early out, kids homework, pack the boys, etc etc. What I would like to do is go to bed. I know some of you out there are saying it... push through it like always, make it happen, you can do it. I know, I will. I learned my lesson. If you are saying "you signed up for it". Yes, I did, but it doesn't mean I always love it.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Had one of those reality checks in the middle of a WW meeting.
Had one of those reality checks in the middle of a WW meeting. Sitting there, not so happy that this week I only lost .2 lbs. Irritated that my little sis is a life timer and wanting to lose more. I sat there thinking about why she is able to do it. It seems so easy for her, and she looks fantastic. Discipline.
Blob. That's what I feel, look, and act like.
I had a rocky start in higher education. It took me until my Jr. year in college for things to click. I eventually mastered discipline with my studies. I achieved goals I never would have set for myself before then. So why is this stupid vice so stinking hard to get a hold of? I can tell you what is good for my body and what isn't. I can recite healthy tips out my you know what, but talking about it and dong it are two very different things. I can BS with the best of em. Sorry for the expletive but lets call a spade a spade.
So self discipline is discordant for me. While I have been able to achieve it in one aspect of my life, it really is a principle I struggle with. I would classify myself in the non-conforming category. This may seem an unlikely choice for those who know that I am LDS and live a very disciplined religious lifestyle. So maybe within those guidelines, I challenge myself to think broadly.
I remember as a little girl wanting to conform to what was popular or in style. There was that thing inside that pulled all the time to be a little different. I grew up in the 80's with pop music and big hair. All the girls wore pumps to school. We dressed up for school. I however, really loved Converse shoes. Back then they only made them for boys/men. So I figured out my size in boys, and wore them anyway. I still had big hair, tight jeans, shrugs with shoulder pads, I just eliminated the pumps and went with the converse. All white, converse. What I didn't know was that struggle to conform then would be a lifelong struggle in many aspects of my life.
Weight loss is all about self discipline. In order to lose weight you must conform your habits to whatever your chosen plan is. Without a plan it will not work. Making the plan is easy. Conforming your life, your every action, to that plan is difficult. I hate it. I hate every aspect of it. But I want to look, feel, and act differently than I do now. I'm hoping the reality check I had in my WW meeting today will help me realize that sometimes conforming to the outlined program will indeed get me to my goal. I have to trust it. More importantly I have to live it. ugh
Blob. That's what I feel, look, and act like.
I had a rocky start in higher education. It took me until my Jr. year in college for things to click. I eventually mastered discipline with my studies. I achieved goals I never would have set for myself before then. So why is this stupid vice so stinking hard to get a hold of? I can tell you what is good for my body and what isn't. I can recite healthy tips out my you know what, but talking about it and dong it are two very different things. I can BS with the best of em. Sorry for the expletive but lets call a spade a spade.
So self discipline is discordant for me. While I have been able to achieve it in one aspect of my life, it really is a principle I struggle with. I would classify myself in the non-conforming category. This may seem an unlikely choice for those who know that I am LDS and live a very disciplined religious lifestyle. So maybe within those guidelines, I challenge myself to think broadly.
I remember as a little girl wanting to conform to what was popular or in style. There was that thing inside that pulled all the time to be a little different. I grew up in the 80's with pop music and big hair. All the girls wore pumps to school. We dressed up for school. I however, really loved Converse shoes. Back then they only made them for boys/men. So I figured out my size in boys, and wore them anyway. I still had big hair, tight jeans, shrugs with shoulder pads, I just eliminated the pumps and went with the converse. All white, converse. What I didn't know was that struggle to conform then would be a lifelong struggle in many aspects of my life.
Weight loss is all about self discipline. In order to lose weight you must conform your habits to whatever your chosen plan is. Without a plan it will not work. Making the plan is easy. Conforming your life, your every action, to that plan is difficult. I hate it. I hate every aspect of it. But I want to look, feel, and act differently than I do now. I'm hoping the reality check I had in my WW meeting today will help me realize that sometimes conforming to the outlined program will indeed get me to my goal. I have to trust it. More importantly I have to live it. ugh
Saturday, January 21, 2012
On love
Love. Its another topic that's been rumbling around in my head lately. I've been struggling with this topic my whole life. Not feeling love, but expressing love. I don't know why. All I know is my lack of skill in this area can have an impact on those around me. Its something that I have to practice at times when my instinct is to pull away.
I've grown up surrounded by love. From childhood to now. I have great examples around me. But there are many times I come up short. Especially with my spouse and kids. Thank heavens my spouse makes up for my shortcomings. What is Love anyway? To me its a feeling you have that is evoked by another. That feeling is varied but usually includes unconditional acceptance, joy, warmth, security, and more. Its forms are countless: physical, verbal, written, and sometimes just a look or smile can convey love. I think where I struggle most is with physical expression of love. Mostly when I'm frustrated or upset. Children can do things that make us frustrated or upset but it doesn't change our love for them. The question is, how do I make them feel loved when I am frustrated or even angry with their actions?
I really need to figure this one out soon. When kids are little its easy to feel frustration and then set it aside. Children act on impulse and we know that they cannot always control the things they do or say. But when they get older, they understand the difference between right and wrong, they understand words are hurtful. But maybe impulse control is still hard to come by. I know, I still struggle with this. I have a quick temper. Only problem is that I am the mom now. My response is the one that determines the outcome.
I remember something my dad did when I was growing up. My dad too, had a quick temper at times. He would get upset and I would be so mad at him. He did something though that helped me understand the feelings in his heart. He would always come to me later and tell me how much he loved me. When we were both calm. So, I do this too. I might lose my temper and throw my own tantrum but I always regret my actions. When things are calm again, I express my love, and apologize for my behavior. Its not easy as a parent to go into a child's room when they are angry or sad and quietly express love. I make myself do it because they need to know how I really feel. I just wish I could skip the whole tantrum part in the middle.
Some things I want to work on: using a touch or embrace more often to express my feelings, forgiveness, service to my own family, more verbal expressions of love.
What do you do to express love when you just don't feel like it? I'm open to learning some new things.
I've grown up surrounded by love. From childhood to now. I have great examples around me. But there are many times I come up short. Especially with my spouse and kids. Thank heavens my spouse makes up for my shortcomings. What is Love anyway? To me its a feeling you have that is evoked by another. That feeling is varied but usually includes unconditional acceptance, joy, warmth, security, and more. Its forms are countless: physical, verbal, written, and sometimes just a look or smile can convey love. I think where I struggle most is with physical expression of love. Mostly when I'm frustrated or upset. Children can do things that make us frustrated or upset but it doesn't change our love for them. The question is, how do I make them feel loved when I am frustrated or even angry with their actions?
I really need to figure this one out soon. When kids are little its easy to feel frustration and then set it aside. Children act on impulse and we know that they cannot always control the things they do or say. But when they get older, they understand the difference between right and wrong, they understand words are hurtful. But maybe impulse control is still hard to come by. I know, I still struggle with this. I have a quick temper. Only problem is that I am the mom now. My response is the one that determines the outcome.
I remember something my dad did when I was growing up. My dad too, had a quick temper at times. He would get upset and I would be so mad at him. He did something though that helped me understand the feelings in his heart. He would always come to me later and tell me how much he loved me. When we were both calm. So, I do this too. I might lose my temper and throw my own tantrum but I always regret my actions. When things are calm again, I express my love, and apologize for my behavior. Its not easy as a parent to go into a child's room when they are angry or sad and quietly express love. I make myself do it because they need to know how I really feel. I just wish I could skip the whole tantrum part in the middle.
Some things I want to work on: using a touch or embrace more often to express my feelings, forgiveness, service to my own family, more verbal expressions of love.
What do you do to express love when you just don't feel like it? I'm open to learning some new things.
A bit about In-Laws
Lately I've been thinking a bit about in-laws. Peter's parents have been serving a mission in Sweden. This is their second church mission there. They are coming home next week and we are so excited to see them again. With their return so close, I have been reflecting a bit on our 20 year history together.
I'm going to let some of you in on a little secret. I probably was not the girl my father and mother in law would have liked their first born son to marry. Why, you might ask? Bull in a china shop.
Peter and I were close friends for a long time before we dated and it took a lot of convincing to get me to look at our relationship with new perspective. My family had dubbed me with the title "ice queen" due to my lack of enthusiasm with dating at the time. Really, I just hated the games. It was refreshing to have a man become my closest friend and not have to worry about the "relationship part". Well, that worked for awhile. And then it didn't. And so we tried to move on. I know his parents probably counseled him to move on too. I was stuck. So he did, and well I was a tad jealous of his new jail bait and that's all it took to melt some ice. I'm sure his parents were wondering why/how I was working my way back onto the scene again. But I did.
Bull in a china shop. It's the perfect description of how I felt the first few times I met his mom. They lived out of state so we actually only met just a few times before we got married. My first impression of my mother-in-law was how quiet and proper she was. I was not. I was outspoken and raucous. I'm sure our first few visits were jarring for them. My sarcasm sort of hung in the air at times. They were gracious. I started to worry if I would ever be able to fit into this new family.
The first five or so years of marriage we only saw them once or twice a year. Peter and I had moved across the country and so I did OK during those few weeks a year that we spent significant time with our families. Then his parents retired and moved out west. We finished school and moved back too.
New dilemma. How to contain my mouth. I think one of the things Peter liked about me was my outgoing personality. I think the reality of that started to sink in once we all were spending quality time with each other. My father-in-law taught political science for years. Debating theoretical position is second nature. In the middle of a conversation he might throw in a debatable statement that would stop me short. It was like an itch that had to be scratched. Peter would glance at me sideways... let it go... but I just couldn't. I had to voice my opinion and Peter would start to slowly sink down...yeah. So lets just say there have been many times during those years we loaded up the car after spending time with my in-laws and I was assessing the damage I may have caused as we pulled down the driveway. Something like this...
Well, that was a good visit
uh, huh
Did I say anything too obnoxious?
Just a few things...
or
Um honey, I think I might have upset your dad/mom...
Why, what did you say
Well, your dad/mom did the raised eyebrow fake smile thing when I said this...
great.
Until one day. We were visiting and having a lively discussion about something and I thought I had pushed it too far. I found myself apart from the main room and my mother-in-law came up to me and said something to me that changed everything. I can't quite remember exactly but she quietly said "I've wanted to say that and I'm so glad you did". She smiled at me and I knew that she loved me despite my many flaws. She understood. I was analyzing every irreverent thing I had said for years. Yet all along they had accepted me for who I was and even loved me for it too.
So I had a new perspective on my in-laws. I even found that I might be a lot like my father-in-law. We both like to stir the pot to liven up the discussion. Even if its not on purpose. So some of those debatable statements were just that. I took the bait, hook, line, and sinker. Still do, but its fun now because we love each other even if we agree to disagree.
Now I look back over the years and see the relationships how they have grown as I have matured. I see how patient and loving my in-laws were with my lack of impulse control at times. I've watched my father-in-law teach, direct, and guide his children with love. I've watched my mother-in-law nurture, accept, and guide her children with love. I've even watched her throw a zinger into the conversation at times while my chest swelled with pride. I miss them. I'm so excited to pick up where we left off and see what else comes next.
I guess this was a long winded way to say I'm lucky to have the in-laws I do. So very lucky.
I'm going to let some of you in on a little secret. I probably was not the girl my father and mother in law would have liked their first born son to marry. Why, you might ask? Bull in a china shop.
Peter and I were close friends for a long time before we dated and it took a lot of convincing to get me to look at our relationship with new perspective. My family had dubbed me with the title "ice queen" due to my lack of enthusiasm with dating at the time. Really, I just hated the games. It was refreshing to have a man become my closest friend and not have to worry about the "relationship part". Well, that worked for awhile. And then it didn't. And so we tried to move on. I know his parents probably counseled him to move on too. I was stuck. So he did, and well I was a tad jealous of his new jail bait and that's all it took to melt some ice. I'm sure his parents were wondering why/how I was working my way back onto the scene again. But I did.
Bull in a china shop. It's the perfect description of how I felt the first few times I met his mom. They lived out of state so we actually only met just a few times before we got married. My first impression of my mother-in-law was how quiet and proper she was. I was not. I was outspoken and raucous. I'm sure our first few visits were jarring for them. My sarcasm sort of hung in the air at times. They were gracious. I started to worry if I would ever be able to fit into this new family.
The first five or so years of marriage we only saw them once or twice a year. Peter and I had moved across the country and so I did OK during those few weeks a year that we spent significant time with our families. Then his parents retired and moved out west. We finished school and moved back too.
New dilemma. How to contain my mouth. I think one of the things Peter liked about me was my outgoing personality. I think the reality of that started to sink in once we all were spending quality time with each other. My father-in-law taught political science for years. Debating theoretical position is second nature. In the middle of a conversation he might throw in a debatable statement that would stop me short. It was like an itch that had to be scratched. Peter would glance at me sideways... let it go... but I just couldn't. I had to voice my opinion and Peter would start to slowly sink down...yeah. So lets just say there have been many times during those years we loaded up the car after spending time with my in-laws and I was assessing the damage I may have caused as we pulled down the driveway. Something like this...
Well, that was a good visit
uh, huh
Did I say anything too obnoxious?
Just a few things...
or
Um honey, I think I might have upset your dad/mom...
Why, what did you say
Well, your dad/mom did the raised eyebrow fake smile thing when I said this...
great.
Until one day. We were visiting and having a lively discussion about something and I thought I had pushed it too far. I found myself apart from the main room and my mother-in-law came up to me and said something to me that changed everything. I can't quite remember exactly but she quietly said "I've wanted to say that and I'm so glad you did". She smiled at me and I knew that she loved me despite my many flaws. She understood. I was analyzing every irreverent thing I had said for years. Yet all along they had accepted me for who I was and even loved me for it too.
So I had a new perspective on my in-laws. I even found that I might be a lot like my father-in-law. We both like to stir the pot to liven up the discussion. Even if its not on purpose. So some of those debatable statements were just that. I took the bait, hook, line, and sinker. Still do, but its fun now because we love each other even if we agree to disagree.
Now I look back over the years and see the relationships how they have grown as I have matured. I see how patient and loving my in-laws were with my lack of impulse control at times. I've watched my father-in-law teach, direct, and guide his children with love. I've watched my mother-in-law nurture, accept, and guide her children with love. I've even watched her throw a zinger into the conversation at times while my chest swelled with pride. I miss them. I'm so excited to pick up where we left off and see what else comes next.
I guess this was a long winded way to say I'm lucky to have the in-laws I do. So very lucky.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A lovely Miracle
Miracles do happen. This is my Erin. See I told you, here is that future 16 year old I talked about before... Notice a few things, cute outfit (she picked out), beautiful hair (she let me curl), and a smile.
She gave the best Christmas present under the tree. About a week before Christmas a little paper box was placed under the tree. This box is one you make out of folding paper. She informed me that this was a gift to me from her. On Christmas morning she carefully handed me the box and told me to open it. Her gift was a beautiful simple note saying she would get up in the morning and get ready for school. I read it and said "really?" she nodded yes and came over and gave me a big hug. Guess what? She has been ready for school every day with a smile. It must have taken a lot for this little girl to make a complete turn around on her own. A priceless gift. I love this kiddo.
She gave the best Christmas present under the tree. About a week before Christmas a little paper box was placed under the tree. This box is one you make out of folding paper. She informed me that this was a gift to me from her. On Christmas morning she carefully handed me the box and told me to open it. Her gift was a beautiful simple note saying she would get up in the morning and get ready for school. I read it and said "really?" she nodded yes and came over and gave me a big hug. Guess what? She has been ready for school every day with a smile. It must have taken a lot for this little girl to make a complete turn around on her own. A priceless gift. I love this kiddo.
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